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| Ain't no alcohol in the world that won't give you a hangover, but you can decrease the pain by choosing your poison wisely. |
Below are the various grogs in order of most likely to have you ralphing your guts up down to those that'll leave you just a pizza away from perfect. |
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Port: Port isn't any ordinary red wine, it's fortified red wine. That means it's beefed up with liqueurs and other anonymous spirits all guaranteed to lay waste to any chance you had of feeling good the next day. Without doubt the #1 way to guarantee yourself a hangover.
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Red wine: A close second to port in the kill your head stakes, red wine has a reputation for giving hangovers, and it's well deserved. Like that's going to stop you.
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Bourbon:
Still the choice of tough guys everywhere, bourbon hurts like no other spirit. It's got 8 times the congeners of gin and that means 8 times the hangover. What's a congener you say? Basically, it's the stuff in your fave drink that delivers the pain. And the more it's got the more it's gonna stick your head to the toilet.
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Rum: Rumble in the jungle, it's better than bourbs but only just. Some people it with orange juice. Must be a health thing. We tried it...tastes like $#!+. Stick to Coke.
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Brandy: Well pickle me if blue rinses and brandy aren't back again. God knows how many million grannies can't be wrong. Best drunk with fruit cake and a nice cup of tea on a delightful Sunday afternoon. Just don't expect to feel too good on Monday.
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Single Malt Scotch: For some reason the pure stuff is worse than the mixed malt stuff. So save your money 'cause it'll save your head...a bit.
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Multi Malt Scotch: If multi malt, or blended, scotch is better than single malt scotch, then surely drinking lots of different scotches will give you even less of a hangover? Try it, then tell us how it goes.
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Cider: The queen on pain in the "soft" drink arena, even more than Guiness. Especially lethal mixed with beer and raspberry cordial when it's called a snakebite..as if that's not going to poison you and send you to sick bay.
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Guinness: Not only does it make your poo go black it gives you a whopper hangover too...at least more than all the other beers. On the upside, it takes so damned long to pour you won't be drinking as much.
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Beer: Beer, beautiful beer. Half alcohol beverage, half soft drink you can drink it 'til your belly bloats and feel just shy of awful the next day which, all things considered, is not too bad.
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Tequila: Tequila. Also knows as To-Kill-Ya to the bottle-hardened, tequila's true power as a hangover agent comes from the way it begs you to drink it straight when you're already leaning on the bar to stay upright. Some recompence may be earned by the lemon chaser. Best cured the day after with a steaming hot bowl of Menudo.
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White Wine: Enjoyed by everyone but seemingly a little more a ladies drink, it shows that once again women are smarter than men by finding a way to have maximum fun without the pain. For real staying power, try a spritzer.
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Gin: Gin & tonic seems to be the favourite gine drink but boys beware...too much quinine, which is in tonic, can zap your nuts. And that'll give you a real big hangover.
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Vodka: No longer the domain of girls only, a big burly man can now approach the bar and demand is his toughest voice a vodka lime and soda. Why? Because his mates know that if they give him grief tonight he'll be calling them fresh as a daisy at 8am the next day, virtually hangover free. Get into it.
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Lite Beer: Easy on the head, light on the gut, doesn't make you fat and you might not even get busted for drink driving. Sounds great huh? But why would you? Leave the car at home and work your way back up the list.
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Champagne: Champagne's a bit of a devil in disguise. On it's own white wine isn't gonna give you too much pain but the bubbles might. You see, carbonation makes your body absorb the alcohol faster therefore providing that happy-go-lucky feeling faster and doubling the chance that you'll say "yeah why not?" to that next drink offer...and many more after that.
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Cocktails: If you want to drink without getting a hangover (and without resorting to Lite Beer or spritzers), a well made cocktail is as close as you're going to get. Go heavy on the ice and fruit. For maximum effect, pick one with bananas or tomato juice.
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